I’ve been meaning to write this post for months now, almost a year. So bear with me…
Summer sixteen, I decided I was going all in. To whole-heartedly pursue TELEGRAPH AVE to its full potential. I designed and released AW16 Rebel & Play collection to you all, while simultaneously designing and showing SS18 Take Me To Tulum to retailers at Playtime’s wholesale tradeshow. A month later, I had to have my designs for AW17 Good Ol’ Days finalized to fit into my new manufacturers schedule for samples. Sounds fun, right?
It was, I love designing and seeing growth as each collection comes to fruition. I was lucky enough to meet a photographer that captured the photoshoots I produced and styled to-a-t. I’m living my dream with my resilient child in arms reach. She’s thriving in a Montessori program, rehearsing for her ballet recital and in the playoffs with her soccer team. Go Mars!
Needless to say, it was busy around here. So busy, that I didn’t want to admit that I could be neglecting Mara. And myself. I had a developed a rash on my arm, which I thought was a scratch. Either way I couldn’t recall when or where it came from. Two months had passed before I realized that it hadn’t healed. It was getting worse. As my mother continuously urged, I went to see my physician. She said it could be anything and prescribed a topical steroid to apply. I went on about my routine of working 16 hours a day tending to TELEGRAPH AVE and shuttling Mara to her activities. You know, what us mothers do best, doing what needed to be done. In my case, the sole parent. So there’s little time for self pity.
As the holidays, approached we wrapped the photoshoot for a collection that was releasing a year later. But being presented to buyers at the time. By now, my rash has completely engulfed my upper body. There’s no hiding it. It’s painful. I’m in long sleeved turtlenecks everyday to avoid the questions and statements of concerns. I’ve had a follow up visit with the physician who referred me to a specialist for a second opinion. She diagnosis the rash but doesn’t seem to concerned. I’m relieved to have a name for it. Iwent on to design a trade show booth, create a lookbook, produce line sheets and travel to sell the collection. I couldn’t have been more proud of the progress I had made in the year that I founded the line.
Upon my return, I receive a call from the specialist. She needs to see me for further blood work. A few days go by and it’s confirmed. I have Lupus. I’m in shock. I have no idea what this really means. But I can’t really slow down to figure it out. Every other part of my life is going according to plan. The line is being picked up by dream retailers. I’m finally able to hire PR and my following is growing. Until one day, when I had a few minutes to myself in between work and picking up Mara, I broke down. Icouldn’t get myself together. I knew I needed to figure out what was going on with me. I delved into the internet, researching what it meant to have Lupus. Met with different physicians and specialist to find out the cause. To know me is to know that everything I do, is for my kid. I needed answers for her, for us. Lupus is an autoimmune disease which produces antibodies causing injuries to the body’s cells and tissue. It makes the immune system go out of control and the organism attack healthy cells instead of the germs on them. This was the cause of my rash, my skin cells were my healthy cells. I had over extended my mind and body causing my immune system to turn on itself.
Its a pretty shitty feeling to know that I could have prevented this. I was sleeping 4 hours a night max, working 7 days a week for months. Never taking a day off. I was stressed, exhausted and didn’t take care of myself on this quest to be the perfect parent and take this line to the next level. Alone.
It was time for a break, a real one. Not a weekend getaway. A trip of a lifetime with my baby girl. So here’s the fun part of this post. We headed to INDIA! It was my very own eat, pray, love moment. It was the rude awakening that I needed. To be present. To live in the moment. I hope that my openness, leads you to take the time to care for yourself. As mothers we tend to carry the weight of the world on our back. Take a look at these beautiful moments of our journey through the homeland. As a thank you for sticking with this long read, use code INDIA for and additional 20% off all sale styles through Wednesday, August 30th!!
PKT Tank & Bloomers
Swing Top & Pantai Shorts
“I am a better person when I have less on my plate.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
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